- The Warrior Queen of Awesomeland herself, porcelain72, has joined forces with your humble narrator in a new blog over at Wordpress called Deadly Stealth Frogs, where we shall tackle all sorts of fun topics together and hopefully make a good point once in a while. Or piss people off, that works too. Seriously, though, it's something we've wanted to do for a while, so please do check it out when you get a chance. There's an LJ feed at dsf_rss for your convenience.
We're still getting used to Wordpress, so if you spot anything that seems wonky or whatever, please let us know. And feel free to send gifts, money and/or point and laugh!
- I also want to take a moment to pimp out my friend Doug's webcomic, Evol Clock.
Doug is a master of the surreal and wacky humor, and I'm glad he's finally putting it to good use. As opposed to antagonizing midgets or something. Anyway, check it out. I highly recommend the blues legend of Melvin (starting at this comic).
You're using a strange bathroom. The toilet paper roll is put on the dispenser so the new sheet hangs down the back. This:
Does it take effort to say the word "effortlessly"?
"...We have been carefully building a marriage inside our filing cabinet. There, we have a New York City domestic partnership certificate and the papers for the house and everything else we own together. We have wills, powers of attorney and medical directives. We also have the attorneys’ bills. The tab is close to $10,000."Can we institute a ban on all the Focus on the Family-type right-wingers opening their mouths except to breathe? Because I am not looking forward to the puling or the hand-wringing that's on its way in November. Maybe just prohibit them from communicating in any way except charades, how about that?
At the bottom, this one says THIS IS THE FINAL NOTIFICATION YOU WILL RECEIVE FROM THIS DEPARTMENT. SRSLY? Come on, don't fuck with me. Are you serious about that? Like, rilly rilly? Please die, kthnx.
It's still pretty fresh in my mind so, let me try to jot it down before I forget the salient points...
- Started off with a dad and his two kids playing on the side of a grass-and-rock-covered mountain, like the Alps if they weren't covered with snow all the time, really pretty.
- Cut to way down at the base of the mountain where it's like the Lost World: dinosaurs! Oh no! Suddenly one big mean allosaurus sees them, and starts clambering up the side of the mountain for a tasty snack of hooman. I should note that I was NOWHERE for this entire bit; it was just like a huge Michael Bay movie playing in my head. So this dinosaur is trudging up the side of the mountain for lunch, and our unfortunate humans see him. "Quick, kids, hide in here!" the dad yells, and there's an opening in the rocks of the mountain, so they scramble in there. At this point I think the dad disappears. Probably got munched.
- Now for some reason there's only one kid: a little girl. And she's trapped inside the mountain, in an old mine car with... Madonna. I DON'T KNOW EITHER, okay? Anyway, this was Actress Madonna, not Singer Madonna, so she was pretty normal, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. So they're both in this mine car, there's a huge ruckus outside and they're huddling there... they figure, well, we need to get out of the mountain, so they start getting the mine car to move along the track (I don't remember how), and this works pretty well because pretty soon they're picking up speed, but they seem to be going up instead of the preferred down.
- The tunnel brightens suddenly and OH NO! They're about to come out of an opening in the mountain where the tracks are all mangled like it was an explosion that took out the mine tunnel and the opening is right above the still-hungry dino! Actress Madonna thinks fast and yanks on the brake lever (yes, this was obviously inspired by Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom) and they come to a screeching halt right on the edge, and it's a really long drop and the dinosaur and Madonna (?!) and and and... they're teetering and the lip of the smashed tunnel and tracks is creaking and moaning under the age and weight and oh my God, and...
- Cut to an intergalactic travel sequence. Maybe something happened before this but I can't remember. Anyway... this was like the "jump" sequence from Stargate and Contact put together, rolled up in a huge joint, sprinkled with amphetamines, dipped in a big bowl of sauce made from pure LSD, and then EATEN. There were galaxies pulsing with radioactive energy, huge stars, black holes, quasars, gigantic radiant nebulae, all in Super-3D-Vision with colors and apparently the music of the spheres had hired Prodigy to write some songs for them. All while whirling and veering around at breakneck speeds. FUCKING AWESOME.
- Suddenly it ends, and now I'm in the dream in a first-person view (as opposed to helplessly watching myself be an idiot). I'm in a kind of decompression area for newly arrived travelers. I'm with a group of other people, none of whom I recognize except spanglo. Also there was an odd girl there who was quickly very obviously an android. So we all get ushered down this hallway leading to the outside, and then at the end of the hallway which opens out into a vaguely Arabian town there's a sort of "decontamination" machine that looks like a huge salon-type sit-in-a-chair-and-read-a-Redbook hair-dryer. One by one we go through it, and for some reason I totally ignore it until it's my turn. I get under there, and the two terminally-bored guys who are manning the thing (from what looks like a DJ booth) look at me, I look at them, and they turn it on, which is basically just a huge overhead sprinkler system. I get drenched (and here I have to stop to explain something: in real life, I wear a hearing aid in my left ear. I am usually not amused by being sprayed with lots of water) and I instinctively go to cover my ear when I realize I'm not wearing anything. So I just stand there and enjoy it. They shoo me out.
- The impromptu shower was actually a really good idea, because it's so hot in this town we all dry off in a couple minutes. I faintly remember talking to the rest of the people, and getting really annoyed with the girl android who acts a lot like Lore from Star Trek: the Next Generation. Really a pain in the fucking ass. Smarmy and sarcastic, but all while maintaining that infuriating "I am really just a machine so why are you getting upset at me?" act. So instead I purchase a drink from a vendor. It's some kind of soda analogue, and looks like Mountain Dew, but tastes absolutely unremarkable. I drink a little of it, then wonder why I'm bothering. (Because it's hot, sure, but it's a dry heat!) So instead I get into a conversation with spanglo about something, and he's also drinking some soda thing that he's not terribly pleased with. So he chucks it into a trash receptacle (which is a regular trash can with a hole cut into the top of the lid, which is exactly what we have in the break room at work for recyclables) and nails it, goes straight in. I'm terribly impressed by this, so I try to do the same and miss. Oh well.
- Abruptly the group of people split up, or we ditch them (and that ridiculous bitch of a robot) and end up going deeper into the town. The buildings are closer together with a religious look about them. Suddenly we see a bunch of darkly-clad, athletic Asian women come around a corner and approach a small nondescript one-story building which gives off a vaguely ominous vibe. They group around the door and after a minute or two freak out and get way back from it, all of them igniting blue lightsabers all at once. Then they all see the two of us and retreat around the corner they came from. So, like IDIOTS, we go up to the building ourselves. The weird vibe is curiously gone. We're like, well, fuck it, why not... so we push open the big, heavy wooden double doors and go in and we're in a long, old-feeling room with no lights except from the frosted (either they're frosted or they're REALLY scratched up) windows. There's a big, long wooden table with a bunch of wooden chairs... it looks a little like a medieval banquet room. Other than us, totally empty. Then things start to feel very, very wrong, and the weird vibe comes back with a bang, only now it's decidedly a "Oh, you stupid sons of bitches" vibe. We turn around and try to open the doors again but they won't budge, and pretty soon there's a warm, yet utterly cold, light that fills my vision with my hand straining on the door handle.
- Then it stops, reality kind of twitches, and we're someplace different, and it nonchalantly occurs to us both at the same time: oh, we're dead. But this doesn't seem to bother either of us. We look around and we're still in a room, only a different one, much smaller with stone walls. And there is a big object against a wall. It's... like a big green wardrobe box, like you'd get from a moving company. It's as tall as we are. And it... goddamnit, I've seen things like this before but I have NO idea what they're called. If I did, even the slightest clue, I'd Google it. Okay, let me try to describe it. It's made up of identical interlocking sides that fit together like they're puzzle pieces, but they're all the same: interlocking square teeth and notches. I remember the old Sunday School playroom at church having toys like this, except obviously they were much smaller, but you could build little buildings and shapes out of them. They were like flat Lincoln Logs, kinda. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? All right, well, it was like that, only big. So it doesn't take us too long to figure it out. We pull apart one of the "walls" of this thing. (It's made of some kind of styrofoam-like material.) Instead of being hollow, it's another wall. It ends up being like a box within a box within a box within a... you get the idea. So we pull apart walls for a while until we get to the hollow space inside, which contains... well, a bunch of big, illustrated books and sheets and stuff. We spread all this stuff out on the floor and start going through it, and it's readily apparent that they're manuals and instruction booklets and, yes, character sheets. Mike goes "I need to make a copy of this stuff, but you can have it when I'm done." I go "Oh, no, you can keep it, there's no way this thing would run on my computer."
- I wake up.
Figure that one out, Dream Dictionary! Actually don't. I know what it means: I'm a geek. There you go.
And I ingested NO DRUGS last night other than my usual regimen of scrips.
Thank you, this has been your Weird Ass Shit From Eric moment, enjoy the rest of your day which I guarantee will not be as awesome as my brain was last night. (Which might be a good thing.)
I will start off the LOLZ with this one (1 mb), hubba hubba hubba hubba.
In other news, got my car's headlight replaced rather painlessly this morning. And they even washed the car, those dears. I should take this moment to say that Volkswagens often make me feel funny in my pants.
Especially when they look like this:
Jesus Christ. Is it getting warm in here? I ogled one that looked exactly like that most of the time I was waiting for them to finish with my Golf.
And for today's dose of political snark and rampant ageism: Things Younger Than McCain, of which include Hormel Spam, Alaska, and Keith Richards. You're welcome.
Best wishes for a Monday that doesn't suck ass.
It looks to me like a big piece of candy. This is probably telling me that I need to eat more often. I barely ate anything today, but I did manage to have sushi after getting jilted yesterday by the gods of Suck. I didn't really enjoy it as much as I might've because I was tired all day and kind of blah, but at least I get to complain about it later.
Icebergs in the Antarctic area sometimes have stripes, formed by layers of snow that react to different conditions.
Blue stripes are often created when a crevice in the ice sheet fills up with melt water and freezes so quickly that no bubbles form.
When an iceberg falls into the sea, a layer of salty seawater can freeze to the underside. If this is rich in algae, it can form a green stripe.
Brown, black and yellow lines are caused by sediment, picked up when the ice sheet grinds downhill towards the sea.
However, I has raspberry tea. And can I just say how nice it is to actually be able to TASTE THE DAMN STUFF? Yay for unfucked sinuses, finally.
I need a haircut yesterday. No, scratch that, like two months ago. And I need to get a headlight replaced on the Golf. Blagh. I was kind of nervous yesterday driving past all those cops at the Quizno's (oh, and the cause of all that? ONE SINGLE FUCKING GUNSHOT. No injuries, just a robbery. Jesus, man. From the looks of it I thought there was a hostage situation involving those goddamn tasty sammiches) because of the retarded wink my car keeps giving people. Who else longs for the days when "daytime running lights" didn't exist? Yeah, okay, makes you safer... whatever.