Now, the good news. Two of the interweb's coolest guys, Wil "Wesley Fucking Crusher" Wheaton and Neil "I'm The Nicest Creepy Motherfucker You'll Ever Meet" Gaiman, had two back-to-back posts that made me cheer from deep inside my Southern California military compound.
1. Mister Wheaton goes to see Elvis Costello and the Police in Hollywood the other night. Some silly bitch is gabbling on her cell phone about how great Sting sounds -- the real-life equivalent of commenters on Youtube quoting the same fucking video their comments are attached to -- and annoying the hell out of Mister Wheaton, who
snapped. Before I knew it, I said, "Hey! I don't want to listen to your fucking phone calls. I want to listen to the Police."In case you missed the relevance of this... Someone was told to shut the fuck up by WESLEY CRUSHER. AWESOME.
Her eyes widened, like she wasn't used to people standing up to her.
Did I mention that she was probably in her mid-40s? Yeah, that's important. She was absolutely old enough to know better.
"WHAT?" She said.
"I paid sixty dollars to listen to The Police, not to listen to you."
"Well I paid seventy," she said, petulantly.
"So that makes it okay for you to be an inconsiderate asshole?" I said.
2. Neil Gaiman addresses the millions of voices crying out in fannish pantswetting squirrel-on-meth excitement over the rumor that he'll be writing a future episode of Doctor Who:
I see from the internets that Rich Johnston's carefully worded "Well, Neil and Steven Moffat had dinner, and Neil hasn't said no, but there's many slip between cup and lip..." thingummy on his rumour site became "It's an open secret that..." when it was reported on Aint It Cool News and that's now transmuted into "OMG NEIL IS WRITING DOCTOR WHO BEST NEWS EVER" on the next round of news sites, and most of my mail today (except for the one from the young man who wants to know how to get out of doing military service, which just left me flashing on the last part of Blackadder Goes Forth) is asking why I haven't told everyone all about it...This was after he deleted what he was originally going to write, which was "Right, then. Will you PLEASE shut the hell up for two seconds?" But then he realized that he was Neil Gaiman, and rewrote it to sound more like the ridiculously polite, funny, creepy guy we all know and love.
Look, if it ever gets to the point where I know that I'm actually, definitely, for certain, writing an episode of Doctor Who, I'll post it here. In big red letters. Or green. You'll know when it happens, trust me. I may even get Maddy to write the entry for me, and include photographs of cats doing amusing things in it. It'll be a proper blog post. Promise.
Sometimes the internets are pretty cool, you have to admit.